Things I Deserve and Desire, and who gets to Choose it

“It’s not about deserve, it’s about what you believe, and I believe in Love.” — Diana to Ares, God of War (Wonder Woman)

Ever wondered if a day passed ever in your life when you hadn’t desired anything, well hard to remember for me at least. From wishing to be close to our close ones to having closures to epiphanies, from wishing to free our heart from the cage it kept hiding in so long to longing to let the hurt and denial sink in, from seeking love we think we deserve to playing hide and seek with the people who actually would have cared, because being chased was fun. All those desires, beautiful and ugly.

Photo by Alexandria Bates on Unsplash

I wish desiring was the only prerequisite of getting those fulfilled. But things aren’t that easy, we are all participants of this endless race where every desire feels like a lap and we all drive at our paces to achieve them. And is it even a ride if it ain’t difficult? So here, I choose to share what I learnt driving all these years.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles,
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,
These are a few of my favorite things…
- a verse from My Favorite Things, The Sound of Music (1965)

Some desires can be just as simple as in the above verse, specially when we are young, when we run after anything that pleases us, realistic and unrealistic. The beauty of desires lie in the fact that they are dream like, they let us dream with our eyes open, they make us crave for something particular and eventually help us in finding things which give us happiness in true sense. Let’s say a person admired by the tune of the above song might compose a song some day if they chased their love and desire of music, and such simple yearnings may help us uncover our potential, and help us in finding our purpose too. With every beautiful dream that comes true, the more faith and love we have for ourselves. There’s no happiness greater than the happiness that comes from inside, and fulfillment of desires surely does propel it.

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it’s only right,
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together…

If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind,
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together…

- from Happy Together, Turtles (1967)

Not all desires are simple or just about us alone. The longing for someone’s love or trust, the crave for a meaningful bond, the need to lessen the pain of others, the hunger for being someone’s choice, the desire of spending an eternity of happiness with loved ones are just a few to name. Sometimes we do make it achieving them, sometimes we don’t. The times we don’t, our mind fools us to believe maybe we don’t deserve the happiness we are seeking or we don’t belong where we are. But in my opinion, each and every one who has a soul deserves the joy that would make it glow. There are things, people, situations and so much more that we have no control over and we know nothing about. Holding on to feelings of resentment or unworthiness will take us nowhere, rather it may ignite negative desires such as being cold to others, or even revengeful. We need to let things go. It’s okay to be hurt but we should never let that hurt ruin us or others.

Photo by Sniéjana Coach pour femmes photographes on Unsplash

Life is too short for holding on to things that we have no control over or over people who didn’t see our worth. It’s easier to let go a string of our hands, which is too weighted on the other end and want to move the other way, it’s futile to pull and clutching just gives bruises. Choose to brush past your hands over the blossoms, for it shall fill with scent.

Old, but I’m not that old
Young, but I’m not that bold
And I don’t think the world is sold
On just doing what we’re told…

I feel something so right
Doing the wrong thing
And I feel something so wrong
Doing the right thing…

I couldn’t lie, couldn’t lie, couldn’t lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
Lately, I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I’ve been, I’ve been praying hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be counting stars…

- from Counting Stars, OneRepublic (2013)

There are often such desires that we encounter, which question our morality and ethics. I believe desires should not depend on the constructs people around us have built. The only thing that matters is, the thing you wish for hurts no one in the process, not you and not anyone involved. I believe that’s the only thing we need to think of. Depending blindly upon some morals that may not be even our own sometimes, will just hold us back. The yearnings of the humans is the only thing that keeps them going, without it life would be bland and monotonous. Our desires may not completely define us, but they surely do define the ways we choose to be happy, and we deserve that.

There’s no love greater than self love and life would be beautiful if we embraced the pleasure in everything that happened the way we wanted and let go of things that hurt us. We just need to choose ourselves more often and trust the process of a achieving things we want.

Photo by Manouchehr Hejazi on Unsplash

I hope you found my realizations relatable, and I hope it helps you understand you are not alone who goes through this. We are all a part of this beautiful mess. Thanks for reading this! May you make better choices for yourself and people you care for.



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